CONTENTS

December 26, 2005 - My new recurring dream has intensified and begun to become more intricate, more in-depth each time I dream it. 

The dream runs on the same premise - I'm a senior in my last month of High School, with my path out of town and the educational system firmly in front of me.  Most of my credits are filled, with one nagging area - math - in particular.  In my dream, I am failing both miserably- or at least would be, if I bothered to ever show up at the class. 

I made a decision I didn't need, want or desire to attend my last required math class, but the last month I'm filled with an anxiety that I won't be able to leave school unless I find a way to get my teacher to give me a passing grade. 

The dreams take place in different combinations of the elementary, middle and high schools I attended, and most of the time I'm walking in the halls, dodging teachers, explaining my half baked plans of graduation to whomever will listen. 

Over the past year, the dream has recurred with an unflinching and ever increasing intensity and occurrence.  Sometimes a second class is involved - usually Spanish or some class containing chemistry or physics, and an occasional dry English class with lots of required reading. 

The dream hasn't reached a resolution as of yet, but I've begun to sit down with counselors about my problem, and instead of willful disobedience or a certain detached apathy, the problem is being hinted at being a learning disorder or worse - social disorder.  The last time I had the dream - just a few nights ago, half of the dream was set in a shrink's office in which I'm diagnosed with a social disorder.  Of course, the science is all loopy dream jargon, but it started to scare me. 

And comparing the dream to my own little life - my life is seemingly devoid of all the things that High School and the American education system is supposed to teach you.  Being cast into a role and molded into a workable member of society in which you get a job, settle down, accumulate bills and wealth and spend your life worrying about the trivial matters while relaxing by dumbing down in front of the television.

Instead, I live below the poverty line, eat when I can, sleep when I want, and work endless hours painting ridiculous paintings time and time again.  When one show is through, I do it all over again, and fill up my days with laughter, drink and all the things that serious folks aren't supposed to.

I guess it's not all that bad.

It was set in an amusement park, on a bright sunny day.  The dream opened with me standing in a long line outside an adventure obstacle course ride.  The head of the ride, an old high school teacher, handed a rope for all the riders to leap across an alligator filled ravine through a small opening into the next part of the course. 

When it was my turn at the head of the line, I was the only one to notice a big, red shiny button about four feet to the right of the opening.  It was just out of reach, and although it was never explained to me, it was understood if I hit the button, I would destroy the devil.  Perhaps this dream stems from a little mix-up in my Catholic upbringing, and the knowledge that Michael was the archangel who finally cast Lucifer and the Rebel Angels down into Hell. 

Every time I dreamt this dream over three years time, I would try and try to reach the little bit extra to hit the button, but would always come up short, and having to pull back at the last minute to swing through the hole and save myself from being eaten by the alligators below. 

The dream would always end with me just missing the button and flying through the dark hole, at which point I'd wake up.  The last time I had this dream I came closer to hitting the button than I ever had. 

I flew through the black hole and ended up standing in a line in a dark, dank castle turret at the end of a spiral granite staircase.  Everyone who had gone in front of me stood in the non-moving line. 

An attractive women found her place behind me in line, and started to kiss my neck.  As I turned around to return the favor, I opened my eyes and saw that she was in fact, the devil. 

So much for destroying evil.  I never had the dream again.